However, March 31st was not like any other day. It was one year since his breakup with his five year-long girlfriend. Mark woke up earlier than usual and headed towards the kitchen. Everything was at it’s regular place. He picked up the kettle and waited for the water to boil while browsing through the photos of his ex on his cellphone. In one photo, they were in Hawaii on the beach lying next to each other, he held her closely against the backdrop of a valley of flowers in another image from Yellowstone, images from their grad school, a photo of him proposing to her on his knees with a wedding ring in his hand, pictures of them at various parties – all flashed across his eyes that morning.

Sitting on the platform with the tea cup in one hand, Mark gazed as the morning rays slowly spread across the street and switched off his phone. As the rays lit up the kitchen, his hands hanged loose. The tea cup fell down and broke into pieces.

Mark was lying on the floor. The box jellyfish sample from his lab had worked.

Mrs. Murray dreams of a new residence in the last few years of her life. A new home atop the hill overlooking the ambitious mountains and plentiful streams. A new home receiving the sun’s rays prior to the entire downtown. Sitting on the porch of her new home, she wishes to stare at the birds fly into oblivion.

But alas, Mrs Murray cannot climb up the hill with amputated legs.

A new change to the system was announced today – laboratory final exams to be cancelled this time. I don’t support this new change at all. I think lab exams are important. Labs are the only place where we get hands-on experience and where we’re forced to think for ourselves (during exams) while conducting an experiment. Theory exams on the other hand, are more read-from-textbook-and-vomit-on-answer-sheet kind. To be honest, I have understood a few experiments and their concepts  only while preparing for, and performing the experiment in lab during the finals.

There is nothing much to say, except that I’m looking forward to the next three months which will be filled with many unexpected events/occurrences and many more comic sans powered powerpoint presentations (lets hope not!).

So what happened to these guys? The first guy ended up in a good company using his father’s influence and got everything without having to work hard. He completed his engineering with below average scores but still bagged a six figure salary job. (after all, marks aren’t everything, right?) His life remained to be easy and smooth. The second guy ended up with a mediocre job along with a major part of the rest of the uninterested bunch. His life cycle continues the similar way – striving to succeed in work too. His life is now merely reduced to a 9 to 6 job inside a cubicle of an air conditioned room with a five figure salary.

Anyway, this blog got a lot of readers due to my previous post and now I’m suddenly embarrassed to write about stuff here. There was a time when no one from my real life read this blog and now, suddenly people in college come up to me asking about it. So awkward. College resumed normally after the incident and the exams went well too. My project topic /presentation was a bore to the external examiner I guess (the negatives of taking up a computer science topic and explaining it to a biology professor). But my guide is supporting me in taking it up even in the next semester and that is what matters.

I’ve got a huge writer’s block currently. I try so hard to write something. Anything. But it just doesn’t happen like before. Any help or suggestions for this problem? :(

We moved towards the cricket field (due to larger area that could occupy everyone) to discuss the issue with the management. Agitated students gathered at the field to listen to what the director had to say. In between shouting and all the chaos – I gathered that an unofficial student union was being formed to discuss the issue with them – as 500 people can’t do it all together. A couple of students who had spoken aloud before – formed a group and would represent the student body. To calm us all down, the DCP took in charge and spoke up loudly. We obliged to her and sat on the field. First – the cops and media were asked to leave as it was now more of a student vs management issue. We told our problems to the reps. Some of which were:

• 5 marks for attendance to be removed.
• We should have 3 internals (best of 3) instead of the currently existing compulsory 2 internals. Follow the VTU system.
• The minimum marks for semester end exam writing eligibility criteria makes no sense in the GPA system. It was asked to be removed.
• Councilors and doctors to be in the college premises on most days. We have no medical center as well.
• Support extra curricular activities. Not treat students as prisoners.

While these were some academic demands, there were many demands for the victim’s family as well – college should compensate for travel of his parents, cremation. Warden’s apology for his mishandling of the situation and letting in media barge to film the student – while he was still hanging from the ceiling. Apology for the late arrival of the ambulance which arrived 3 hours late. The principal also clarified that he had not given any statement to the media yet, and everything that was telecasted was based on assumptions.

The director listened to every point and agreed on most changes. (Some illogical demands came up too – which I have not mentioned and don’t think are necessary). I think the principal and the director handled the situation well, and took a stride to support the students. By this time, both the management and students were on terms. The student union announced a candlelight march in the memory of the victim. It was extremely intriguing to see such a huge crowd turn up for it in the evening (more than the number of people who were protesting). We lit candles – the teachers and the principal guided us through the campus starting from the boys hostel. It is the largest crowd I’ve seen in my campus – more than during the cultural fest times. It was something that I’d never though I’d witness in (my) college. It was an emotional and a proud moment.

My take – since the boy left no note, the blame game has started. Yes, the pressure is unbearable sometimes. Too many tests, reports, assignment submission along with project work takes a toll on us. But is suicide the last option? Certainly not. Many have survived this system (and even tougher ones) and passed through it successfully – with happy and depressing memories. Some rules can be removed or tweaked, but this kind of situation should never be taken advantage of. Some students protested today without sticking on to the actual cause and drifted towards irrelevant and illogical demands. Yes, this is probably  a good opportunity to make the management listen to us and bring reforms, but not at the cost of unruly behavior and breaking college property. But in the end, I think the students showed some great character by listening to the authorities and calming down. When this happened, the whole atmosphere changed and provided an opportunity to carry out talks and stop the chaos. One thing that sickened me was watching the video of the boy hanging being shown on television channels and media coming up with random cooked up reasons to justify it. Read more about how the media reported the issue here.

Amongst all this, we are just lost in between deciding what is right and what is wrong.

Many years back, when I was in school, I used to travel by bus all around the city, sitting by the window, staring at strangers pass by and thinking about myself, my future, and the like. I miss that now. I’ve never given any time for myself in the past couple of years at all. There are always multiple thoughts running in my mind – all at once. It’s like one big traffic jam of thoughts in my brain, directionless and annoying. Today I learnt how important it was to spent time for “me” and not think/worry about anything for some time. I also realized that I am the most happy when I’m with myself. I don’t know how to confer this, but yeah. In his post to the class of 2010, Ben Jones writes, “#9. Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn’t count.)“. This is such a simple thing, but so important and powerful. Of course, I am always alone in my room, but am I really with myself during that time? Not at all. Internet and books provide the best company, but they cannot think on our behalf. We are constantly interacting with people virtually, we never interact with ourselves. I had forgotten what I liked, what I wanted, WHY I wanted what I wanted…

I think the time has become such that we sort our daily schedule for everyone else, but never for ourselves. Our calendars are filled with appointments with other people; one has to take a lot of effort to make an appointment for oneself.

I gave it for servicing today. It must be in working condition in 2 weeks, according to the confident service person at Canon. “I’ve repaired many big cameras which were drowned in oceans before, this will be ok madam” he said. For him, it is just another camera and another lens. For me, it is a dream turned into reality.

They say that if you lose something, you realize the worth of it. This is just like that. I don’t know if I should feel ashamed or guilty. That day on the beach, it was like I didn’t deserve a vacation. My friends’ phones got screwed too, but nothing even remotely comes close to this. I will NEVER EVER take a camera to the beach again! I am so glad that it’ll be alright. I have learnt my lesson. My sister always used to shout at me “you don’t respect the things that you have”. This keeps echoing in my mind every time something crappy like this happens or every time I buy something. While coming back home, dad told me that all gadgets get conked during their lifetime. It’s a part of the entire ‘gadget owning’ experience. After all, they’re just inanimate things. Good part is that they can be fixed.

Woke up at 5:30am to join the kids army of the colony to burst the loudest patakas to wake up the locality with a bang. Beginning of the most awaited festival. Prepared for it from days before by buying huge boxes of fancy crackers, new clothes and sweets. Spent the entire day on the streets blocking vehicles and hopping from one neighborhood to another. Consumed so many sweets given at every house. Twilight meant lighting diyas and arranging them on compound and all around the house. Collecting dry fruit boxes and diaries that mom got at work. After the day’s excitement, spent the last hours on the terrace watching the night sky dazzle with delightful rockets.

Deepavali 2011

Woke up at 9:30am to the sound of a cracker burst by a dude somewhere far away in the locality. Had breakfast while watching national news on television. Had a single piece of cashew burfi. Spent the rest of the day working on project, tweeting, reading and sleeping. Sat by the window and watched heavy rain and thunderstorms in the skies while sipping tea. Skipped lunch. The sun will set in a couple of hours and I’m going to light as many diyas as I can and decorate the house, to keep a small part of the old times alive in my life. Also, if it doesn’t pour again tonight, I plan to stay in the terrace on a floor mat, covered up in a blanket and stare at the night sky forever, probably thinking about how Deepavali 2021 will turn out to be.