“kya maal lagti hai yaar”

It has been 2 years in college and I have still not got the hang of being in a 70% male-dominated group. I have been around guys before, yes, but this time it is a very different experience – the one that I am still not accustomed to. Precisely, 90% of the guys in the group are from different parts of the country and that is what is contributing many differences. What bewildered me at first was their attitude towards girls. I am not a hardcore feminist or anything, but I think when you are 20 years into experiencing the world, that too in an environment like this, there ought to be some respect towards people of the opposite gender. Referring to a girl as ‘maal‘ and other words that are way beyond my comprehension level. I usually pretend to ignore such random comments (and prefer venting out my feelings here instead :|). I have been told that it is very common for guys to talk or behave like this, but what I cannot understand is how can they be cool with behaving this way right in front of other girls? As far as I have noticed, the other 2 girls don’t seem to be bothered about these kind of remarks (sometimes, they even encourage them – which is astonishing). This is not the kind of environment I have been raised in over the past years. In my school, boys and girls did go around and everything – but it was always clean, cheerful and decent. There was no use of abusive language and indecent behavior. The vibe that I felt there was different. I din’t have to be conscious in their company. I am not generalizing, but purely speaking from experience. Every day in college, I hear a series of cheap words and gaalis being used proudly in a single sentence. They seem to perceive women as “objects” that they can comment on in groups whenever they feel like.

Letting my feelings out, and writing about all this, I remember once a random friend from college asking me how I could tolerate to be in such a company and how “miss-fit” I must be feeling. The real answer to the question is- to be honest, these guys are my friends and have always been nice to me. They have never been rude or spoken cheaply to me. I wonder why can’t this attitude prevail for other girls too? Why can’t they be more open minded about the world and not come off as desperate wannabes? This is not really a north indian boys vs south indian boys thing. I’m sure there are all kinds of men in every region of the world.

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23 thoughts on ““kya maal lagti hai yaar”

  1. Really cheap of them. How can’t they be matured enough being 20 or so? Common sense is the least a human must have. I too go to college This does’nt happen here .My friends gossip about the raging in North Indian colleges and fear to go there :)

  2. i feel South Indian guys become more decent when there is a girl in the group… They are conscious of it. In an all guys gang everything is the same… just that we know when to stay good… :)

    • I agree with you.

      That said, it’s about showing respect to others. I am not saying that I don’t look in admiration at any good looking person from the opposite sex. :)

      • @ Ananthram – I completely get what you are saying. I am talking about behaving that way in the presence of other girls. Imagine how we feel when you openly pass comments in front of us!

        @ milcom – Exactly. It’s about being respectful. You can look at a girl and say that she’s beautiful, but in a respectable manner.

  3. Partly agree.

    I have seen south Indian guys behave in similar manner. 16% of guys in my college were from AP, which for me is south India, and many of them come with similar behavior!

    • Aditya – I am sure most of the guys behave that way – whether they’re from the south or north! All I’m talking about is their behavior in front of other girls!

  4. The term Maal is a slang which now when I think about it has it’s roots in anger. The cause being the inability of one’s self to land a physically attractive girl. And, that frustration makes one see it as a desirable object.

    According to the logic I have applied to decipher it’s origin, this term has it’s roots in prostitution where people offer to quench that frustration/desire for an amount. From there, the word has traveled and assumed new meanings into daily parlance, and somehow now it’s become synonymous with a physically attractive female.

    Pure Language has a good scientific etymology to it, which makes it logical and appropriate. However, slang- even though deemed inappropriate by purists will seem much better if the entire etymology of feelings is explained.

    • I’m just talking from my personal experience. I’m sure there are a lot of nice and decent Delhi boys too :-P
      (Plus, I got like a lot of hits for this post – don’t tell anyone okay? okay.)
      Also – I re-read that girl’s post many times later and realized how mean, stupid and baseless it was. Deleting that link now :-|

  5. What northie, what southie? You say, a huge bunch of indians make discriminations, i frankly believe your post did the same. Stop saying anything about discrimination on the basis of ethnicity, religion, creed, caste and LINGUAL criterion. Out of all literates, should just stop talking about it! Men will be men, coarse and half as mature as women. Agreed and beg you pardon on the guys you ve heard use abusive lingo and the guys you ll hear too.
    But lingualism is one thing that we ‘netizens’ should not indulge in.

  6. Exactly, i completely agree with your post on boys referring to girls as” maal ” and ”item”.The language sounds so cheap and derogatory.I wonder how easily guys use these kind of slangs, it is all so normal for them. It just implies that they consider girls nothing more than ” mere OBJECTS of Desire”, they just dream that “maal” was theirs to quench thier thirst.How shameful that can be??? Really , i don’t understand, even my guy friends use these words for other girls,and when I try to stop them, they simply say,”it means beautiful,yaar”.Well can’t they just say use a nicer ,more decent word rather than calling them Maal.Maybe, i am sounding absurd to some of you, but this is what I feel.Using slangs,swearing ,abusing has become a trend nowadays, 99% of youth follow this””so called Trend””, and if you don’t , that means you are “Uncool”(unkewwwwwlll u see) or you still need to grow up or maybe you are mental or next door old fashioned aunty,,:P….Well , i am unkewwllll and i am proud of it, if words like maal ,item,londiya , b*****, s**** are okay for guys and girls today.(yes , girls too don’t mind being called those things, and they are no less.They abuse too, you see they are consideredcool/ “kewwlll”).They are not for me.I respect others and inturn i want some respect ,too.This kind of language is far below the level of decency.
    And , inspite of trying to curb this trend, more n more youngsters are just giving way to it.Don’t know why it is so important to use this lingo???…whats the problem with normal conversation,decent n sophisticated???God knows where the world is heading to.Well one more thing ,i dunno about South Indian guys,they might be decent,,no idea….I was talking about north indians,as i am one of them..;p..But I won’t change , no matter what. for me…….Slang n abusive language is UNACCEPTABLE, forever. THNX.:):)…………….huh really needed vent my
    feelings.
    .THNX
    everone:):)

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